July 2002
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So I lied
01 July, 2002 at 11:26 AM by Ren | Permalink
Remember how yesterday I said there was no hangover? Well, I lied. It showed up about halfway through the day. It wasn't bad, but I did feel like throwing up. And the headache showed up with a vengance.
I saw Lilo and Stitch yesterday. You should go see this movie. It's way way funny. Go see it.
Um, it's nearly lunchtime, so I'm gonna go to lunch. Woo. lunch.
Weird mood
01 July, 2002 at 02:54 PM by Ren | Permalink
Today I'm in a weird mood. I think it might be the gloomy weather outside, but still, I'm in a funky mood. It's like, I'm tired of work, and tired of a lot of other things. It's not that my mood is all-encompassing. It's just there. Which is good. It means I won't dwell on it too much. It's probably just the weather. *sigh* Ok, enough gloom-mongering.
At least this week is only 4 days.
O Happy Day
02 July, 2002 at 01:46 PM by Ren | Permalink
Well, not that happy. But it's better than yesterday. I'm in a jolly mood. I'm hoping to see the Oracle, JOT, and WonderBread before everyone leaves for 4th of July. That would be good. I'm also hoping that WonderBread is feeling better today than he was last night (ooo, bad sentence). He was feeling kinda down and frustrated and whatnot. It would be nice if he were feeling better today. I'd like to see him before he leaves. I'd like to see everyone before they leave.
Still, if he's feeling antisocial, I think I can understand. It would still suck though. Oh well. I hope he feels better soon. It's sucky to see someone whose smile can make everyone around them happy be so sad (ok, another bad sentence). Man, my sentences suck today.
I found my copy of the Velvet Goldmine sountrack, and I'm rocking out to that. Yay! Glam Rock is fun. Welp, I'm gonna go see what kind of trouble I can rile up here at work. TTYL
Is it bad?
03 July, 2002 at 09:41 AM by Ren | Permalink
Is it bad when it's only 9:34 in the morning at work, and you've browsed all the websites that you normally browse during the [entire course of one] day to kill the monotony of coding HTML and scanning pictures? Is that bad? It's 3 July, and I have nothing important to do here at work. I'm secretly hoping that we'll get a phone call around 10 that says "everyone, go home and enjoy being American!" but with the facist bitch we have as an interim president, that's not likely to happen.
I'm a little upset that it's only 9:37 and I have already seen everything that I usually space out over the entire day. That's *not* good. I'd go and take a walk around campus, but it's already like a thousand degrees outside.
My dad has drafted me to do some web stuff for his bank. I hope he's not expecting this stuff in super short order, as I'm swamped here at work. When that happens, the last thing I want to do is go home and do more web crap when I get home. All I want to do is vegetate in front of my computer at home and IM to my heart's content and download porn. I'm just kidding about the porn part.
No, I'm not.
Yes. I am.
Anyway. I'm debating on what to do this weekend, since two of the three people whom I spend most of my free time with are going up to North Texas to visit their families and stuff. That leaves me with one person who will undoubtedly be working all weekend, and me with not much left to do. Decisions, decisions. They'll be back soon enough though.
Well, I guess I'd better find something to busy myself with or this day is going to get hellamonotonous REALLY fast.
4th of July
04 July, 2002 at 04:43 PM by Ren | Permalink
Happy Independence Day!
It's nearly 5 and I haven't done a damn thing today. It's very nice. I hear my friends trek up to North Texas was indeed successful and I'm glad. I don't know what I'm going to do with my day today, but it probably won't be anything really exciting.
Well, I just thought I'd just say happy 4th. so. Happy 4th! I'll talk later
I want I want I want I want...
05 July, 2002 at 10:42 AM by Ren | Permalink
Someone buy me this for my birthday!
I will love you unconditionally, forever.
Ca-sara-ca-sara
08 July, 2002 at 02:22 PM by Ren | Permalink
Remember Lisa Lisa and Cult Jam? Lost In Emotion? I swore she said "casara casara"...but what she's really saying is Que Sera, Que Sera. I'm not sure exactly why I'm on this download kick, but I'm getting all these old 80's songs that I totally need to relive 7th grade.
Also, I'm getting Abbacadabra by the Steve Miller Band. That song reminds me of when my cousing Veronica came to visit. We used to sing that song or something. At least, that's what I remember; that was like 20 something years ago. Damn, I'm old.
Well, I think I'm over my whole work doldrums too. Back to happy, jolly Ren. Well, not happy-jolly. But at least not such a sad sack. Blah blah blah, boring. Enough about that.
Go see Minority Report. RollerMog's garden is in it. hehehehehe
Also, Margaret Cho RULES. I love her. I can't wait for the Notorious C.H.O. to come out on DVD.
Rock the Casbah! Back to downloading 80's music.
What the hell?
09 July, 2002 at 10:20 AM by Ren | Permalink
So yesterday, one of my co-workers tells me that she likes the way I laugh. I'm like, why? Evidently, my laugh is very natural or whatever. Like, when I laugh, it's very genuine. *shrug*
It's actually the second time in about a month that someone told me that. So evidently my laugh is good. Whatever.
F*cked Up Dream
09 July, 2002 at 11:51 AM by Ren | Permalink
Last night (or this morning) I had a really messed up dream.
The Pope had just died. They cardinals were going to elect a new Pope. But they were going to do it at my grandma's house. She was very concerned about this. She had us all over cleaning up her house. And for some reason, she had to buy a new couch. I remember moving the couch into its spot. Next to the Christmas tree. Yeah, I said Christmas tree. Strangely enough, the dream was taking place in July. But there was a Christmas tree set up. Next to the couch. So the cardinals could have a place to sit while they elected the new Pope.
I remember that we stayed around long enough to see who they elected as the new Pope; unfortunately for you, I can't remember who it was. I do remember this: it was a really bizarre choice. Like Johnny Knoxville off the wall. That kind of strange.
It was a night of weird dreams. I had several bizarre dreams, but that's the only one I remember clearly enough to write down. Someone needs to analyze that shit though. That's just too weird.
Was it a dream?
10 July, 2002 at 11:10 AM by Ren | Permalink
Last night, I fell asleep early. Really early. Like, I was asleep by nine o'clock last night. Crazy, right?
I think Krysdol and WonderBread called me, but I'm not sure. I sort of remember talking to people on the phone, but I was seriously asleep. I should call her and see what happened : )
So, for real...
10 July, 2002 at 02:39 PM by Ren | Permalink
I talked to Krysdol. Go Her! She got a new job! ROCK BALLS! Woo Woo!
Anyway, the point of this post is to say that indeed, I was called by WonderBread and Krysdol. I talked to them, albeit grouchily, for about 15 minutes evidently.
I don't remember most of it, I was seriously asleep. I actually thought I dreamt most of it because the voice kept changing from Krysol to WonderBread. When you're half asleep, that's fucked up. Trust me. Perhaps I'll see them tonight though. We'll see.
Remember: Groove is in the heart.
It's also on my Winamp Playlist.
Oh yeah
10 July, 2002 at 04:31 PM by Ren | Permalink
I tweaked the Archive pages just a little bit so they are more in tune with the rest of the website.
Enjoy.
Talk to you later.
Weird day
11 July, 2002 at 01:36 PM by Ren | Permalink
Today has been an interesting day.
I went to a funeral this morning. One of the girls (i call them girls, even though all the full-time people in this office are older than me.) father died this week. We attended his funeral. Funerals are such sad affairs. Their family was very strong though. It's amazing to see them put on such a face when you know that they're all so sad inside. The lady who I work with even made a joke about me being all dressed up (with a tie even! her words, no joke). I don't know that I could be so cheery when my own father dies. I know I won't be able to do that when it happens to my mom. In a way its so scary to know that despite everyone's best efforts, your mother and father will someday not be there.
Yuk. I don't even want to think about that anymore.
What's even weirder is that after the funeral, most of the office went to a baby shower. How odd is that? One event to mourn the end of a life, and another to prepare for the start of a life. Odd, indeed.
All I really know is that at my funeral, there will be much joy and merriment. I'm talking disco balls and thumping music, baby. Maybe strippers too. That would be cool. If not a bit morbid. I was never a really normal person anyway.
OH. MY. GOD.
11 July, 2002 at 04:18 PM by Ren | Permalink
DUDE, check this shit out: http://www.foundrydx.com/works.html! That is fucking amazing!!! Three exclamation points even. I want, I want, I want, I want!
I wish I had the money!
Twitch, Twitch
11 July, 2002 at 10:48 PM by Ren | Permalink
This is so bizarro.
All afternoon (and into the night) I've had this wicked twitch in my index finger in my right hand. It just comes and goes, and my finger goes nuts. Totally insane, I know. I don't know what's causing it; it's just very weird. I totally lose control of my finger for a few seconds. A little unnerving. Kind of funny, though. It's almost not happening anymore, now that I'm typing or whatever...and it never happened while I was clicking on stuff, thank God. Can you imagine? I'd be trying to read fark.com and my finger is just clicking links left and right cuz I can't control it.
Too strange. It's been a long day indeed.
Update
12 July, 2002 at 10:51 AM by Ren | Permalink
My finger is still twitching.
It won't stop.
Make it stop.
please.
I'm scared of sleeping
12 July, 2002 at 03:06 PM by Ren | Permalink
I had another weird dream last night.
I'm not going to go into it, suffice it to say that I haven't had a dream where Darth Vader was actually scary since I was about six years old. Last night, he was hella scary.
The good side was, I was a jedi.
Badside: Vader was exterminating the jedi.
Yeah, so when I was on the wrong end of stormtrooper blaster fire, and Vader was chasing me down into some reactor core, somehow I ended up falling off some catwalk to my untimely demise. A friend said that I sounded like a clumsy jedi; I beg to differ. Legions of Stormtroopers and a Dark Lord of the Sith are probably enough to terrify just about anyone. Even a jedi.
I woke up in a sweat, and totally feeling like I was being watched. Very strange. Very. Maybe I need to stop sniffing glue or something. Maybe I should just watch less Star Wars.
No, not less Star Wars. That will never happen.
The Week in preview
15 July, 2002 at 12:49 PM by Ren | Permalink
Should be a pretty long and slow week ahead. Krysdol is starting her new job today, so good luck to her. I'm wondering where WonderBread is, but I figure I'll hear from him when he feels like talking. The Oracle hopefully will be getting her money sometime this week; if not, she'll be ho'in it up on Leopard St. trying to make a few extra bucks.
Krysdol will be her pimp. She's everyone's pimp.
Represent THAT!
16 July, 2002 at 01:45 PM by Ren | Permalink
I said little ren ren, you just don't know
the way you C-S-S across the web.
It's lookin' fine on IE, and in Netscape
so I just wanna stare at it some mo'!
REPRESENT THAT.
Hee! so that was bad, I admit it; but i'm freaking proud of myself. You see, I just did my very first CSS based layout. Completely done in CSS, and no tables doing any formatting! But how did he do it, you ask? By hand, of course.
Where can I see it, you ask? Right here, said I.
It's actually not much, and it's only the subpages for the commencement website. But its CSS! I still had to do the frontpage of the site using tables and stuff. But hey! the subpages are CSS. ROCK ON! woo!!!
Interesting
18 July, 2002 at 01:26 PM by Ren | Permalink
I just realized something about myself yesterday.
When I'm tired, I get really cranky and grouchy. It's funny. Well not for the person who's the brunt of the crankiness, but still. It's odd how my mood alters when I'm tired. I don't know why I just noticed it last night, but it's true.
Today is a long day at work. It's freaking hot outside. I feel good though, because I downloaded "Kiss" by Prince. I freaking love that song, especially where he breaks it down at the end in his falsetto. So many drunken nights spent shouting that at the top of my lungs (In my best falsetto) along with that song at a club.
Good times. Good times.
Saturday, Freaky and I are going to see Blue October play at the Executive Surf Club, so if you have time, and wanna see a great band play, come with.
I'm going back to work now, to pretend I'm working, at least. : )
Like Mike
18 July, 2002 at 04:26 PM by Ren | Permalink
You know, I don't think I've ever given a proper shout out to RollerMog's website.
When I grow up, I want to be half the designer he is. Check out his website.
also, cuz i've listened to this like 80,000 times today: Listen to this!. It's not the MP3, but it's good enough to listen to. Plus RollerMog does it on his site, and I want to be just like him!
The last time he does the chorus is my favorite. ABSOLUTE FAVORITE.
Is it wrong?
22 July, 2002 at 09:10 AM by Ren | Permalink
It's only 9:08 in the morning and I'm already in a foul mood. After having the people at Computing and Information Services deride me for setting up a computer without one of their technicians around blah blah blah, I'm a horrible person. It doesnt' matter that it takes them 3 days to do SHIT, now evidently, they're the only ones who can do anything to your workstation. FUCK THEM. CIS now has -82,000 points.
I was going to write a post about this weekend, but i'll do that later. I have lots of ranting to do, and I'll be doing it at various times throughout the day. I may just leave work around 3 because I have shit to do at home, and if nothing else, the monotony of laundry is calming.
Also, there's no bitching by CIS technicians either. Woudln't it be funny though, if I went to go do my laundry and there were a bunch of technicians from Laundry and Information Services (LIS) telling me what to put in hot and cold water? No, it wouldn't be funny. Just a pain in my butt.
aww...f*ck it!
22 July, 2002 at 03:41 PM by Ren | Permalink
I thought I was going to rant more during the day...but then I figured, why bother? It doesn't really solve anything, and besides, I bitched enough to people out loud that I don't really have to do it online. So, for those of you who wanted to know what I was gonna fuss about, you'll have to take it like men and continue wondering. so M'nyahh!
I'm tired, and I want to go home. Blah!
fucking shit.
22 July, 2002 at 10:48 PM by Ren | Permalink
so, I'm not exactly good at communicating in person, or over the phone or whatever...which is totally odd considering that I dont' seem to have a problem keeping a journal online for whomever to read. But that's off the point.
Right now, I'm just fucking mad. I'm going to say this once: If you don't want to talk to me, whatever. Just fucking say so. I realize there are other people who are more important than me; that I can dig. But when you've waited, and waited for nearly 3 weeks to say something that was originally pretty unimportant and then get blown off because its deemed unimportant. what the fuck. ever.
You know, it may not even be that I'm getting blown off. It just sure seems like it. I don't know what to do either. I'm completely dumbfounded. Really don't know what to do.
I just don't know what to say. Totally flabbergasted. Really enraged. And completely incapable of saying so over the phone. UGH. I hate me sometimes.
I realize, this is not all someone else's doing. I have a real problem saying what's on my mind sometimes. Maybe I should stop covering that I'm just fucking angry and let the dark side out. Might not be such a bad thing. I dont' fucking know anymore. I'm tired, angry, my head hurts, my eyes hurt, I just need to go away.
This post doesn't make any sense. I'm just ranting. I'm leaving now.
There was something that I
24 July, 2002 at 01:15 AM by Ren | Permalink
There was something that I thought was special in my life. It is gone today. And likely gone for a very long time.
I had my heart broken tonight for the second time, by the same person. I feel like I have been strung along for quite some time and now it just hurts. It hurts more than I can imagine. I am incredibly sad. It upsets me that I can let one person do this to me and leave me feeling so horrible.
I don't know where to begin to say what I want to say. I don't even know what I want to say. That someone that says they care about me so much wait to tell me so long absolutely stings
sorry. Telephone.
I'm back now. I don't think I have much left to say except restate what has been said before. So. I'm sad, I'm hurt and I'm angry. Angry for letting myself get this way and angry that I let someone string me along for so long. And I'm tired. I'm so tired right now. I'm going to try and go to sleep.
I heart you RollerMog
25 July, 2002 at 08:44 AM by Ren | Permalink
I really do.
Check out his post on Wednesday, 24 July. He's the uberbitch that I can never be.
I'm too nice for my own good.
I'll speak again when I feel I have something to say.
[edited to add] I just thought of something...since I'm loving RollerMog, I'm going to sing the Theme from Golden Girls to him...
"Thank you for being a friend
Traveled down the road and back again
Your heart is true;
You're a friend and a confidant
And if you threw a party,
Invited everyone you knew (ooo ooo)
You would see the biggest gift would be from me,
and the card attached would say
Thank you for being a friend!"
Ok, I'm seriously done now, that was my moment of utter stupidity/giddiness. I'm kind of coked up on 4 glasses of Dr. Pepper now.
Isn't it scary that I know the theme to the Golden Girls from memory? I think it is.
The Onion TV listings
25 July, 2002 at 11:36 AM by Ren | Permalink
I love reading the Onion, it's America's Finest News Source!
I am too moody
25 July, 2002 at 04:22 PM by Ren | Permalink
Ever since this afternoon, I've been goddamn jolly.
*shrug* lord only knows why.
It's a long road ahead, but it's not all that bad. At least it doesn't seem that way right now.
later.
Morning Banter
26 July, 2002 at 10:39 AM by Ren | Permalink
I'm here at work, sipping on some coffee (can you believe it, coffee and not a Dr. Pepper?!?!!) thinking about last night. I had a great time at the Blue October Show. They played Breakfast After Ten, which is the song that began my love affair with them. Plus, the bass player stared at me, which is cool, cuz he's hot and makes awesome "look at me playing the bass like a mothafuggin' bad ass" faces. Friend, you're hired!
So, the shitty mood from earlier this week is gone. Well, not gone...just diminished. It started improving dramatically at lunch yesterday. I realized that there are indeed a lot of people who would jump off a bridge for me if I asked them to. And I don't even need to ask them to do that. They just would. +53 to all of you, I love you guys and I don't say it nearly enough. I'm sorry. But I really do love you guys!!
Anyway, the mood is better. I got played, yes; and it hurts (a lot). But I can learn to deal with it and move on. And not be bitter about the whole thing. I think. I hope. We'll only find out with some time and distance from the whole situation. I have a lot of thinking and soul searching to do still; it's a lot of stuff I haven't dealt with or even thought of in months, but it needs to be taken care of. I should call my mom and talk to her. Blah, I'm not going to dwell on things that I don't need to be airing out yet...you'll just have to wait and see if I decide to talk about it here or not. If you're lucky, you can hear me say it in person.
Anyway, no more dwelling.
Last night was the most awesome time. Freaky and I went to the Blue October show, just like we had planned, despite me not wanting to go that previous morning. What a good thing it turned out to be. We got some Lemon-Lime slushes from Sonic and added some Bacardi Limon for "flavor"...about 3 or 4 shots of "flavor" later, the slushes were prepared. We did a shot of Apple Pucker-fucker-ducker-sucker and off we went to the bayfront. The opening act was pretty good, but we were there for Blue October. We got into position for maximum effect and ended up near some other fans. Freaky started flirting with a H-A-W-T CWB from Houston. Damn he was gooooooooooood. Pretty lips, beautiful eyes...and ARMS for days. With the vein and everything. *drool* I hate Freaky sometimes. He was some kind of huge Blue October fan...Freaky didn't get too mad because she only hates the female Blue October fans. Besides, he was a CWB and really, really cute. She asked where they were staying, but the dork forgot to ask for the digits!
In the end it was a great night. I'm glad I went out. I had a great time, not a care in the world. OH! and here's the best part, Justin (the lead singer for the band, and Freaky's innermost and dirtiest desire) announced that they're performing at the Executive Surf Club on August 31. That's like, the day before my birthday! And it's a Saturday! I'll be *cough*26*cough* that Sunday. I'm SOOOOOOOOOOOOO there! Y'all are invited. It'll be hellafun!
Alright, I need to go, I have to find showtimes for Austin Powers in Goldmember. RollerMog and I are so there. SOOO there.
Much love to everyone who I consider my friend. Two gold stars to all of you.
Goldmember
27 July, 2002 at 01:13 PM by Ren | Permalink
Holy crap. That movie made absolutely no sense, but it was goddamn funny.
I laughed through the whole thing! It was great. SOOOOO funny. Especially when Britney Spears blew up. That was like, awesome. Or Tom Cruise as Austin Powers. Hi-larious.
Not much else to say today; last night on the way home I got really sad when I realized I wasn't going to be able to call someone to let 'em know how much fun I had. I got really close to doing it, but I knew better.
Freaky leant me her Blue October CD and I freaking love it. They are so goddamn badass. It's funny how there's a few songs on there that are totally speaking to me right now. I blasted them over and over. Very theraputic.
Ok, it's taken me long enough to make this post, I'm going to go do something else now.
I was lying in my
29 July, 2002 at 01:49 AM by Ren | Permalink
I was lying in my bed just now, well not so much lying as curled up in a ball around a pillow, trying to sleep. Blanket pulled over my bed. I'm cold. It's so freaking cold. I turned up the AC; it's nearly at 80. I'm still so goddamn cold.
I hear some crickets nearby, chirping away. It's very lonely in my house. Really quiet except for the crickets. I miss there being people over. I even miss my evil bastard cat. And I'm freaking cold. It's like a million degrees out but I want more blankets. And I desperately want that fucking cricket to shut the hell up.
Still freaking cold
29 July, 2002 at 09:48 AM by Ren | Permalink
I finally fell asleep last night. Strangely enough, after only getting something like 3 hours of sleep, I'm not really all that tired this morning. I am still cold, though. It's so strange, I've been cold for days, and it's really starting to bother me.
It's not like this all encompassing minus 30 degree cold, just this I-wish-I-had-a-sweater-on cold. Maybe I should go sit outside for 10 minutes. It's like a thousand degrees outside right now.
Anyway, it should be a pretty mundane day at work. It's nearly ten and no one has screamed for me yet. That's always good. Also, I'm totally having a skinny day today. And I got a good shave this morning. Woo. It's the small things in life that make it worth living.
I'm sure I'll have a ton of other things to talk about later, since I hardly saw a soul this weekend and feel the need to chat. Maybe I'll talk more here. Who knows.
All I know is, it's fricken' cold in here.
Happy Birthday Wil
29 July, 2002 at 02:51 PM by Ren | Permalink
So, I'm not cold anymore. Well, not too cold. It must've been me standing outside for like 20 minutes in the million degree South Texas heat.
Anyway, I just thought I'd take the time today to say Happy Birthday to Wil Wheaton, the famous, famous actor. He's 30 today. Wish him well. hee!
I'll talk later.
Birthday present ideas?
29 July, 2002 at 03:50 PM by Ren | Permalink
Dude, If this is all I got for my birthday, I'd be so superpumped.
http://www.walmart.com/catalog/product.gsp?product_id=1819726
I WANT I WANT I WANT I WANT. Maybe for christmas?
It's a Trap!
30 July, 2002 at 10:27 AM by Ren | Permalink
I love Admiral Ackbar. It's true. He's a genius, and he states the blatantly obvious. Plus, he's a fish...IN OUTER SPACE! X-Entertainment did a tribute to him here. Check it out. Ackbar Rocks.
Last night was a quiet night for me. I didn't do much except watch some TV and talk on the phone to my dad and La Aaron. I don't think I have a nickname for Aaron on my website, so I'll have to do some thinking on that one. He needs a good one; something better than La Corn Chip. Last night was also something interesting. It was probably the first night in about a week that I didn't feel dreadfully lonely in my apartment (I was still, however, fricken' cold in my apartment). Strangely enough, it was my father that ended that mood.
He actually called to make sure I was ok because he hadn't heard from me in a while. He might still turn out oK after all.
Just a thought...
30 July, 2002 at 04:51 PM by Ren | Permalink
Just a thought: If a jedi you know, came on to you, and wanted to shag you rotten, would you?
My answer is a definite yes. Well, as long as its a human. No Hutt Jedisex. Eew. I mean, just think of the things a jedi can do to you with all those mental powers...and their command of the Force!?! It's like an orgy, but with one person.
Dude, that's some hot shit right there. I'm glad its nearly time to go home. I can go and think about hot jedisex in the privacy of my own home.
I know that was a random thought, but honestly, it was spawned by a conversation I just had with Gidget, but it had to do with the Monkees...and then people with british accents. Don't ask. Just go with it.
Affirmation
31 July, 2002 at 05:00 PM by Ren | Permalink
I am not as fragile as everyone seems to think I am.
I am much stronger than anyone knows.
I may falter and stumble to the ground, but I will always pick myself up and keep going on; It's the only thing I know to do.
I can accomplish anything I want if I choose to pursue it.
I decide my own fate.
I am a supercool dork.
That was my affirmation for the day. I'm having a great day today; I took the day off and haven't done a damn thing. No self pity, no work, just loafing. It's great. I thought of that thing up above last night before I fell asleep. It's like, something that I felt I had to say out loud. go me. I feel much more powerful and affirmed! Very Stuart Smalley. hehe.
Anyway, I think I have just embarrassed myself enough. I have to tend to my dinner now.