August 2004
« July 2004 | Main Archive Page | September 2004 »
A low-carb diet
01 August, 2004 at 01:54 PM by Ren | Permalink
Saturday night Crody and Krysdol inaugurated their apartment with it's first party: the Stock the Bar party. It was the must-attend event of the stock the bar season. I of course brought the Ren starter kit; a bottle of vodka, a bottle of blue curacao, a bottle of Bacardi 151, some club soda and some Sprite.
I had some problems getting all the supplies to the apartment though. After parking in a different time zone, I walked with my bottles in hand. Except there was a problem. The bag tore. Time itself slowed as I watched the bottle of vodka crash to the pavement.
It was the ultimate party foul.
When time resumed a normal pace, I looked at the ground. There it was, evaporating on the sidewalk, my pant leg and my shoe. An unopened bottle of vodka consigned to my homies for all eternity.
I was more than a little angry about the loss of such an important ingredient to the Ren Starter Kit. I actually left the apartment to drive around and pout. Eventually I called TNT, who put it all in perspective for me.
TNT: So the bottle just fell to the ground?
Ren: Yeah. It was a horrible, completely avoidable tragedy.
TNT: Did you cry?
Ren: A little bit, yes. But mostly I was fucking pissed.
TNT: Well, did you try and sponge it up, or maybe use a squeegee?
Ren: No, mostly I was just watching it evaporate.
TNT: Hmm...was it Grey Goose?
Ren: Oh God, no.
TNT: See. It could have been much worse.
If only I realized that was the course the night would take. Don't get me wrong, the night was fun, but girl, drama was to be had that night.
At one point, Batman dissapeared, seemingly summoned by the bat-signal to points unknown. The rest of us remained in the apartment mixing drinks to our hearts' content and our livers' chagrin. We were due to arrive at the club that night to cap off our night with some drunken dancing, so we couldn't leave without locating The Dark Knight. Search parties were dispatched, drinks in hand to locate him, so that we might get to the club at a reasonable hour.
No such luck.
Batman was eventually found, but only after apparently arguing with Krysdol making her cry which more or less ruined the mood. It was around this time that everyone at the party started talking about someone who gets no mention on this site anymore, because we've cut out the carbs (Think about it for a bit: bread has carbs) and apparently we're none too happy with our new carb-free lifestyle. Or maybe we are--we just like to bitch.
More drinks were had. The Oracle got wicked drunk.
Having enough of all the drunken drama, and compelled by Crody's fabulous new goin-out go-go boots, Jacqueline declared that they would be going to the club tonight. Unfortunately for myself, at the moment it was decided we were indeed going out, I happened to be wearing those fabulous new goin-out go-go boots (it was to make Krysdol laugh, I swear!) and didn't get them off in time to get into the car travelling to the magical, if not tired, cocaine-dusted land of the dance club.
So I stayed with Brent (none too happy with staying home) caring for the drunken Oracle (doesn't that sound like a good name for a British pub?) and Krysdol. It's oK though, because I used the time to put the go-go boots to good use. With some brazilian samba music, I formed my very own Carnival samba school (complete with fabulously gaudy rhinestones and peacock feathers) and danced for Krysdol. You know, to lighten her spirits.
Apparently she wasn't overly impressed. Soon after my spectacular--and very sensual--dance, Krysdol cut out the lights to her room and bid us a good night. The Oracle proclaimed her love for me and all other living creatures then passed out. Brent laid next to the Oracle and cuddled with her and a stuffed animal resembling Batman. I got my regular shoes on and drove my ass home.
The Big Top
02 August, 2004 at 07:27 PM by Ren | Permalink
True story. When I was living with The Beast and Rollermog at the Tiki Trade Hut there was one morning where I slept in and they got up early. It turns out apparently I was having some kind of good dream and the sheets were um...revealing the fact that Ringling Bros. and Barnum and Bailey had moved into my boxer shorts.
I'm not sure which of the two discovered it first, but I have a feeling The Beast found me first and called Rollermog over to gawk at the Greatest Show on Earth.
Of course I was asleep through all this. It was only when I heard The Beast start to sing Thunder and Blazes that I woke up and closed the show. I'll be damned if I'm a party to a peep show where I'm not getting a cut of the profits.
Rollermog reminded me of the story today; somehow we got on the subject--lord only knows how. He claims they also started to sing the snake charmer song (you know the one: There's a place in France where the naked ladies dance...). That part I dispute; clearly the snake was already charmed before they got there, negating any need to sing that song.
Thank God we didn't have cameras back then. At least, I hope they didn't have cameras back then...
Stupidest. Cashier. Ever.
04 August, 2004 at 09:19 AM by Ren | Permalink
The other night, I had a late night hungering for some Whataburger. If you must know--and TNT can already tell you what I ordered--I wanted a Breakfast on a Bun.
That's not important now. So I drive up to the local Whataburger, place my order in the drive-thru, and pull up. Now, for those who've never been to a Whataburger, you should know this: you don't go there because the drive-thru is fast. While I'm waiting there for what feels like half an hour (it was really about 10 minutes), I open up my change thingy in Ronessa to get out exact change.
I was going to pay with a $20, but I figured if I gave him $20.54, I'd get $18 back. Simple, right?
Finally, I get to the window. He says the total ($2.54) and I give him the twenty first and then the change. I should've guessed something was wrong at this point, because he looked at me, then the change and then the register. Of course, I didn't think anything of it until he puts the change down on the counter next to the register.
I started to look at him funny at this point. He seemed to be concentrating very hard on his task. Eventually he gets around to getting me my change. Except, and this where it gets tragic: he tries to give me back my change.
Stupidest. Cashier. Ever: [smiling proudly at himself, like he just solved a really hard word problem] You didn't need to give me change. [STUPIDEST. CASHIER. EVER. hands the change back to REN]
Ren: Um. my total was $2.54, right?
Stupidest. Cashier. Ever: [Confident in his infallible logic] Yeah. But you gave me a twenty. You didn't need to give me change. [Beams with pride that he's right]
Ren [Sighing loudly] I gave you $20.54 so that I would get whole dollars back. [STUPIDEST. CASHIER. EVER. looks at REN like he's fucking stupid. REN starts to roll his eyes...audibly if that's possible and sighs again] Look. My total was $2.54, right? Well, if I gave you $20.54 and my total is $2.54, that's 20.54 minus 2.54. I get eighteen dollars back.
Stupidest. Cashier. Ever: [unconvinced] oh.
I don't think he ever really believed me, but the fact that I rolled my eyes so back in my head that you could hear it, probably made him figure I was either right, or just too much trouble to fuss with. Now I don't want to lament the loss of educational values in America, but it isn't rocket science to make change. Especially when you want to deal in whole numbers.
I choose to believe that Stupidest. Cashier. Ever. was just new and didn't know that making change worked this way. Because if he didn't, then I forsee a long future in french frying techniques for him.
This is all your fault, Krysdol.
04 August, 2004 at 08:16 PM by Ren | Permalink
Dammit. I'm so mad that I got home late from work today, because I was most absolutely, definitely not playing Karaoke Revolution with Rollermog. Oh yeah, anyway, I'm mad because I missed Amish in the City.
Damn you, Krysdol. This is all your fault. Getting me hooked on reality TV.
Oh well. At least it's not X.
Admission Guidelines
06 August, 2004 at 10:40 AM by Ren | Permalink
Yesterday I was feeling a little bad because my friend RollerMog was feeling down. See, he works for the new School of Pharmacy on campus as a part-time employee. With funding up in the air, he wasn't sure that he'd get hired. Now that funding is secure, he was mostly worried about the associate dean breaking promises of money, drugs (it is a pharmacy school) and power. Today he got his assurances that he was in the clear. Dean Shiva (he's the God Dean of Pharmacy, and RollerMog's boss) asked RollerMog to be on the admission committee.
RollerMog: I'm only going to admit CWBs
RollerMog: : D
Ren: ROFLMAO
Ren: dude, you can admit some CABs and some CHBs too--but remember, most importantly, you have to include measurements in the admission form
RollerMog: hehehehehehe and they all have to report to me for their physicals.
Ren: "Photos often help the admission process, as well."
RollerMog: lol yes!
Ren: dude, under ethnicity
Ren: it's not going to be "White (not Hispanic), Black, Asian"; it's going to be all hair/eye color combinations
Ren: like "Blonde + Blue", "Black + Green", "Blonde + Brown". Other will be "colored contact lenses."
RollerMog: hahahahhaha
Ren: you won't even look at them unless they've been in a fraternity, or athletics, or without their shirts on.
RollerMog: lol
RollerMog: exactly
Ren: that's gonna be awesome. You're totally going to have the most gorgeous inaugural class, ever. When you take the class photo; it'll end up looking like a very academic--yet still sexy--Abercrombie ad. It's gonna be awesome.
I'm going to see if I can get on that committee. Committee work sucks, but if we get to "screen" the candidates, I can totally get into that.
One for me, one for my homies
12 August, 2004 at 01:17 PM by Ren | Permalink
Memories keep floating through my head today. Plus, I've been goaded into this by Freaky, so I might as well. Also, I apologize for it being half-assed, but I've been distracted the last few days. . .by a broken bathtub. I'll explain later.
Remember how I said I was going to talk about my trip to San Antonio that one time? I figured you would. Because I never did.
Except now I am.
It was a pretty uneventful trip. Freaky and I went up to San Antonio to stay with my mom. I had some alumni meetings and she was visiting someone who merits no mention here.
The part that I remember the most though, was the trip back home. I had to drop off Freaky in Kingsville where she lived and stuff. What a great trip.
It was more or less at the beginning of my Blue October obsession. Naturally, the trip back to Kingsville involved listening heavily to their only album available at the time, Consent to Treatment. Plus, it had one of the best songs ever written on it, Breakfast After Ten. I think we listened to that about twice before we realized it simply wasn't loud enough. A few twists of the volume dial on Ronessa and we had appropriate volume to go along with our shouting out the lyrics.
Freaky then started looking through the CDs in the car, found Throwing Copper by Live and put that in. We rolled down the windows and started shouting all the words to I, Alone, All Over You, pretty much everything on that CD.
After that we listened to some U2 and were both of us were dissapointed when Freaky's stripper song didn't come on (she works in mysterious ways).
The ride back home was so much fun, in so many ways you really had to be there. Speeding down the highway, singing all these songs, talking, holding hands, driving off cliffs...oh. Wait. That's Thelma and Louise. Seriously though, it was a great trip and it's one of my favorite memories of Freaky.
Freaky, it's time for UN road trip.
Something new
16 August, 2004 at 10:40 AM by Ren | Permalink
In trying to think of something to write about (because I can't stand it when the siderail is taller than the main content box), I remembered a couple cute anecdotes that I thought to share with you guys this morning.
Let's travel back one weekend, to the weekend of TNT's going-away goin-out night; I did mention he was moving to New York, didn't I? Well he is, and yes. He's moving. Again. But whatever, I'm excited for him and it's going to be great. Plus, NYC. Hello! And his apartment is on 82nd and Amsterdam. Upper West Side! By Central Park. Hello!
So yeah, I'm getting krunk at the club with him and fiddling with my sleeves because it's freaking hot. Don't ask why...I was just sweating like a pregnant nun in church. TNT laughs at me as I roll up my sleeves. I look over at him and see that he hasn't rolled up his sleeves so much as zhuzh them. I mention to TNT that I can never get them to zhuzh properly.
TNT: It's because you're supposed to button up the button on the sleeve
Ren: You mean, like if you were wearing it with the sleeve's rolled down?
TNT: Yeah. That's what holds it in place. It's how you zhuzh.
Ren: Wow. I never knew. I always thought you left it undone, like when you're rolling up sleeves.
TNT: yeap. That's the secret.
Ren: [Completely unrelated] Child, I. Feel. fabulous!
TNT: I know! Me too.
both, together: But It's really hot in here.
TNT: Well, you know how now. Zhuzh those sleeves. You'll feel even more fab afterwards.
He was totally right. I felt even more fabulous afterwards. *sigh* I'm going to miss TNT at the club. Who's going to give me such good advice, and even better drink specials?
As if that weren't bad enough, Krysdol is moving soon enough too. She took a job with a cruise line! She's going to wait tables on rich people with lots of disposable income in the Hawaii area. Isn't that awesome? Don't you just hate her? I do, because she's totally going to be making more money than me, and I have a freaking college degree.
Crody, her roommate, and I lamented her imminent passing.
Ren: I'm so excited for her. But I'm so sad! All my chil'rens is leavin' me!
Crody: It's ok, gurl. We'll just have to throw her a fabulous going away party. With a theme. The Bon-Voyage Party.
Ren: Oh. My. God. That's so hellacute! Can I make the invitations?
So you see, even though one of my best friends in the world is leaving for like 5 months, and another has left for the brighter shores of the East Coast, I still have time to see the bright side of things. At least I get to produce invites to a theme party.
That's so Ghey.
But wait, You think these stories are completely unrelated, right? But they're not. You see, when Krysdol told me that she was getting this new job, she told me I had to call TNT and make sure to let him know that she totally one-upped him in the moving-away department.
TNT:What do you mean, she's moving? On a cruise ship. To Hawaii? Getting Paid?
Ren: Dude. You totally got served.
Krysdol:TNT. Don't be bitter because I outdid you.
TNT: Whatever. I thought of moving first. That makes me better.
I love how my friends get along.
The girls never came. The girls. never. came.
31 August, 2004 at 09:13 AM by Ren | Permalink
Tragic events happened last week, my friends, so of course, I have to write about them. . .
See, about two weeks ago, RollerMog's beloved iPod died. Oh sure, we had known iPod was iSick for weeks in advance. We just weren't expecting the end to be so near. RollerMog was in love with iPod for so long, it's hard to imagine what his life was like before. So when RollerMog finally gave up on iPod and pulled the plug (iPod wouldn't hold a battery charge anymore and wasn't syncing but with about a hundred songs, out of his several thousand available songs), he saw the bright side: he had bought a superawesome warranty on iPod from Best Buy--think of it as an iPod pre-nuptial; if the iPod breaks it's vows of good service and firewire-fast syncing, RollerMog reserves the right to get a new one.
And hope for a new iPod he did. So when we got to Best Buy one week ago, RollerMog was practically bursting at the seams with the possibility of new iLove.
But make a Love iConnection (it's Firewire) he would not that day. Brutally denied by the tech support geek at Best Buy he was. Needed to eat a sandwich or 40 that tech support freak did. Sent the iPod back to Apple. Made RollerMog cry because he had no iPod to make sweet, sweet iLove to him all night long.
He was quite rightly, crushed. Instead of taking him at face value, the anorexic tech geek sent it off to Apple to be diagnosed. RollerMog's little heart was broken; he almost started sobbing right there. In fact, I saw a tear form when they told him it would be 3 weeks before he got it back or got a new one.
RollerMog went crazy. He literally considered buying an iPod Mini to pass the time while he waited for his one true iLove to come back to him.
Fortunately, I lured him away from that with the promise of CWBs in EuroTrip. Luckily, Scotty distracted RollerMog long enough from bemoaning the loss of his iPod long enough for him to download the soundtrack. Sadly, that reminded him of his iPod and he started weeping right there in my living room.
I think he slept only fitfully that night.
But the story has a happy ending: RollerMog called me but moments ago and let me know that the iPodDoctor from Apple called him and said, "Looks good. Looks *real* good" and authorized him to get a new iPod. The only thing I'm upset about is that I can't take RollerMog to get his new iPod.
I told him, "It's kind of sucky. I mean, I was there when that beautiful creature entered your life, and I was there when it left." He giggled and said that my hair was a big, brown football helmet then he admitted he really didn't care when he went to go get it because he was getting a new iPod.
Play Breakfast After Ten--it's my birthday!!!
31 August, 2004 at 02:32 PM by Ren | Permalink
I should remind you that tomorrow is indeed my birthday. Lots of stuff is still available off my wish list. There's only 10 shopping hours left!
Hurry!
Also, if you would like, we will be enjoying libations at the Executive Surf Club tomorrow. Blue October will be providing aural entertainment.
Thursday I will be recuperating. Friday is Round II. Although whether I'm doing that in Corpus Christi or San Antonio remains to be seen.
As Hedonism Bot says:
Let us cavort like the Greeks of old! You know the ones I mean.