March 2005
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Behold the Jalapenis!
04 March, 2005 at 10:29 AM by Ren | Permalink
First, I apologize for the site being down for such a long time...turns out SBC is a bunch of idiots who don't seem to know how to repair things properly.
Thanks guys!
Anyway, I've been putting this one off for too long now, so here goes:
A few weekends ago Krysdol, Crody, Queen B and myself got it into our heads that we should barbecue. Except we wouldn't actually be barbecuing since we didn't have a grill among the four of us. Still, we were undeterred. Securing an adequate substitute, we traveled to H-E-B for supermarket goodness. Plus, we needed stuff to grill.
Along the way we decided we needed snacks and dips. I would make guacamole, Queen B would make pico de gallo and we'd leave the queso to Krysdol.
We walk into the H-E-B and head straight for the produce--which is weird in itself, because mostly we head straight for the pizza rolls and ice cream--to get avocados, tomatoes, onions and jalapeños.
I don't know squat about picking out jalapeños so I leave that to Queen B.
I'm minding my own picking out avocados with Crody when I hear hysterical laughter coming from Queen B. She's literally screaming "you guys, come here!" so of course, we do. We're all freaking out wondering what on earth could be getting her all crazy and then she held it up: a seriously disfigured jalapeño.
So disfigured, in fact, it appeared to have a tiny jalepeño cock (complete with jalepeño testicles!).
She was giggling about a sexualized pepper! Now, anyone who knows anything about me, knows I never pass up an opportunity to make a complete ass of myself in public. I had no choice. I screamed out "She has a jalapenis!"
We ran around the produce department with our jalapenis in our hands laughing madly. People stared. That's when we figured we should finish our shopping before they throw us out of the store.
Of course we bought it.
Took it home and everything. But we didn't eat it. You cannot eat the jalapenis. Such food is not meant for the body; it's intended for the soul.
So we took a picture and posted it on my website instead.
Resisting Temptation
10 March, 2005 at 03:22 PM by Ren | Permalink
I'm sitting here in my office at work, and I'm resisting the temptation to redesign this website.
It's not that it's stale or that I'm tired of it--well, yes, I am tired of it--but I'm really just putting off updating banal information on my work website. Oh well, perhaps I should probably work on things I get paid for.
Hey y'all. Go watch The O.C. tonight; they're premiering the Revenge of the Sith trailer.
Phone Conversation
14 March, 2005 at 02:26 PM by Ren | Permalink
I was on the phone yesterday with Queen B and she was telling me about how she left her son--Crown Prince B--with one of his little friends.
So she's relaying the day to me and we're remembering how conspiratory little kids really can be. Crown Prince B and his friend...we'll say the Duke of Calallen...were trying to figure out how to get Queen B to take them to McDonalds for some lunch.
Of course, it's always funny when it's not you shelling out $14 on chicken nuggets, but still; listen to this:
Queen B: Dude, so for real. My son decides he doesn't want chicken nuggets...he wants the Chicken Selects. I was all "What, you're too good to eat processed chicken, or what?"
Ren: Hah! For real, Queen B! Like he's going to say "No mom, I don't like beaks and feathers. I only like chicken breast."
Queen B: Well, all I'm saying is, if it was good enough for the rest of us to eat, it's good enough for him; I'm not spending extra just so he doesn't have to eat a reprocessed chicken claw.
Crankin one out
15 March, 2005 at 04:30 PM by Ren | Permalink
I've been on a working fool's streak the last few days. I swear, I even went from start to completion (including typesetting!) of a tri-fold brochure in about 2.5 hours. That's freakin' insane.
To top it off, when I'm not doing these print projects for work, I took on a second gig outside work for a magazine. And I've laid out all but 3 stories--and the two feature spreads--for it in the last 3 days. I think I'm working too hard.
The good thing, is that my supervisor notices these things. I got my evaluation yesterday and I "Exceed Expectations." TAKE THAT, HATERS!
That always makes me feel better, if not validated, that my work is up to snuff. Hell, even our VP chimed in and said that he finds my work extremely creative and he's very satisfied with the quality of work I produce.
I work efficiently and quickly and I am very accurate in my work. Those are the words of my boss, so as far as I'm concerned, it's the GD gospel around these parts for the next 365. You got that?
Jude Law rules
19 March, 2005 at 05:03 PM by Ren | Permalink
Last night, Krysdol and I got tickets to the Cinemark...and we went to the dollar cinemas (I know, so trashy!) to go see Closer.
Now you see, I love seeing Queen Amidala in any kind of cinematic endeavor, because really? She's totally hot. I'd do her. In fact, I'm totally taking Angelina Jolie off my "I'd do her" list and replacing her with Natalie Portman...and don't think her affiliation with Star Wars (and therefore dreamy, jedi boy Anakin Skywalker) has nothing to do with this surprise move.
Anyway, enough about Natalie Portman, back to Jude Law. Krysdol informed me that we had to go see Closer because it's a really good movie. And it totally is--especially for this one scene where Jude Law's character is sitting on a couch (just like I'm doing right now) and netsexing some poor sod (just like me right now...uh...talking to friends) pretending to be a woman. Because he's sadistic like that.
Best part is when Jude law types in "I love cock" during said chatroom sequence.
Why, you ask? Beyond the obvious...
Because when he typed that in, I totally heard RollerMog say "I LOVE COOOOOOOOOOCK! It's like CRACK! I LUV IT!"
I love the movies.