September 2005
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Pervert Neighbor
16 September, 2005 at 08:39 PM by Ren | Permalink
So, first off, I apologize for taking so long...it's just if y'all realized how crazy busy it's been at work lately, you'd understand how the last thing I want to do is work on my website.
It doesn't look to lighten up anytime soon, but seeing as how a motherfucking comment bot spammed my comments and forced Movable Type to rebuild the site thus sending all my entries into the archives...I'm left with no choice; either I write a new entry, or I shut down the site.
I'm not quite ready to shut down my site.
So here we are!
I've got about a million stories to tell--how I'm part Scot; how I have Brazilian aunts (I know!); my new Powerbook--the sexy titanium clad Hayden Tastabook; but instead, I'm gonna give you guys what you've come to expect from my website: voyueristic insights into the sex lives of my neighbors.
You see, some time back, and much to many of my friends' dismay, Hot Sex Neighbor moved out and was replaced by someone else. Whether he's hot, or has hot sex I couldn't say. I never see him.
But I have heard him up to something.
See, two nights ago, there was a curious squeaking coming from the wall that my bed's headboard is...which would be adjoining my new neighbor's bedroom. Yes, the noise was rhythmic. Yes, I figured he was going at it with some random hootchie.
But something was different.
See, first off, the squeaking was a promising sign, right? But after hearing minutes upon minutes of squeaking, it stopped suddenly. Then about 20 minutes later, it started up again. Again, just bed squeaking. No bed grunts, no stifled moans of pleasure.
After a few minutes of the renewed squeaking, it abruptly stopped. Again.
Only to start up again after another break of about 20 minutes.
What the hell was he doing?
The cycle repeated several more times. By this point, it was 1. very late, and 2. I couldn't go to sleep because the squeaking was that noisy.
I won't lie, I will admit I was slightly intrigued by what he could be doing on the other side of the wall. You would be too, if there was this bizarre bed creaking on the other side of your bedroom. So the next time it started up, I pressed my ear against the wall (oh shut up, you would have done it too. You dont' judge me) and tried to listen.
Not a sound except for the bed creaking.
WTF?
Lacking any conclusive evidence of any kind of hot sex, I was forced to concoct a story in which my new neighbor was humping his bed as a form of masturbation. Don't ask, it made perfect sense at 2 in the morning.
I mean, what else could it be?? He was making his bed squeak like he was having sex with someone...but maybe it was just his mattress he was fucking, I mean it wouldn't moan would it? But it would squeak in passion? Am I right? Does anyone else have any suggestions as to what he was up to?
I certainly don't.
the sad thing is that I've since heard him repeating the same thing a few times. Each time it's equally disturbing. I actually go into my living room to go sleep because the damn squeaking is that disruptive.
God, why can't he just jerk off in front of the computer like normal people?
Pervert.
Kicking and Screaming into the 90's
20 September, 2005 at 02:51 PM by Ren | Permalink
Yes, I realize that the 90's are so five years ago, but you see, Texas A&M University-Kingsville is being brought--kicking and screaming, mind you--right smack into them.
The big news on campus the last two days--and this is so sad--is that our phone system now has external Caller I.D.! You have no idea how cool that is. Now when I hear the double ring of doom signifying an external call, I can look at my LED screen and see just who is about to give me a hard time. It's even cooler that when they leave a voice mail, the pretty voice that tells me I have messages tells me what number called!
Too cool.
Anyway, this has been big news all over campus, so much so that people are calling eachother from their cell phones saying "do you see my number? What does it say?" as if they've never had Caller I.D. before.
Ahh, to be in the halcyon days of 1994 again. God bless, before you know it, we might be able to submit help tickets with the IT department online.