June 2006
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I'm embarrassed for myself
03 June, 2006 at 07:40 PM by Ren | Permalink
And because I'm a good guy, I'm going to tell you why...so that you all can point fingers and laugh at me.
I'm reading Perez Hilton and came across his latest plug for Paris Hilton's new album and I have to admit I clicked on the link for her first single--Stars are Blind--for the shock value, you know, and was floored.
It's not horrible; in fact, it's quite good. Very Blondie. I am so afraid to admit this, because it's so embarrassing, but I like Paris Hilton's new single.
I just lost respect for myself. You should too, because I can't help myself. I like this song. Oh, the humanity!
On the upside, the album is called "Paris is Burning"...as slutty as she is, I'm sure she's burning. And by burning, I mean gonorrhea.
*sigh* that joke doesn't redeem the fact that I'm still listening to this song, does it?
NO! Thassa BAD Trent! No.
08 June, 2006 at 04:41 PM by Ren | Permalink
Trent, please don't make me hate you. Please. I love reading your site, but your continued support and allegiance to Ashlee Simpson will force my hand; I will have no choice but to hate you. I don't want to, you see, but if you keep unconditionally loving on Ashlee, I will have to.
Case in point: on today's post, you write on Ashlee's photos that she is (and I quote) "sassy and sexy." I beg to differ; I believe she is neither. Had you said "lip-syncs and can't jig herself off the stage worth a shit" then you would have had me at "lip." But you didn't. In fact, you went on:
... her whole lip-syncing debacle is long forgotten ... and she has fully stepped out from Jessica's shadow.
Whoa there, pardner. The whole lip-syncing debacle is long forgotten? Seriously? Because I'm pretty sure no one has forgotten. And you didn't forget it either--after all, you just mentioned it.
So, let's recap here. Ashlee Simpson is many things, but she is not:
- sexy.
- sassy.
- talented.
- gorgeous.
She does, however, have a new nose. So I will give her credit there. Just stop pretending she deserves any of the fame she's already latched on to.
Just to make sure I wasn't off the mark--it is possible that I am way off on this one--I checked with my friend Gidget, a DJ in a major metropolitan market and Countess of Popular Opinion to make sure I wasn't way off on the Ashlee non-love.
Ren: Why must he insist on keeping Ashee Simpson famous?
Gidget: Because she's gorgeous and talented?
Oh, wait.
ASHLEE.My bad.
Ren: He actually said this about her today: "The girl seems to have a new lease on life ... her whole lip-syncing debacle is long forgotten and she has fully stepped out from Jessica's shadow. "
Gidget: Whatever he's on, I'd like to have some.
Ok, that makes me feel better. I'm not so alone in the Ashlee non-love.
So, Trent, in summation, please, stop propping up that talentless hack and resume posting more pictures of Ryan and Jakey. I much prefer that. By a longshot.
One last thing: today you posted pictures of Ryan drinking a beer on the beach. I don't think that's a Corona he's drinking. Corona's have white labels. What he's got in his hand doesn't appear to have a label at all. It's not that it's a big deal, but since I was already ranting...
With warm regards is the new sincerely
14 June, 2006 at 05:30 PM by Ren | Permalink
I feel the need to say this about some people's MySpace pages. Some of you out there--and you know who you are--happen to have very lively MySpace pages replete with loud music, animated backgrounds and videos galore. Stop it. Stop it now.
I hate the three songs you have playing at once. This is not a remix. Pick one, and ditch the other two.
That video of the history of dance? Hilarious! The one where that guy gets kicked in the nuts? No, not that one, the other on...you know what? It really doesn't matter which one, because half the video on the internet is guys getting kicked in the balls. The other half is porn...but I digress. Anyway, that video? The one from before? Also hilarious. And the one with the cat that gets flung off the ceiling fan? Man, I can't get enough of it! However, I have had enough of all of those videos, and many, many others starting the moment I load up your MySpace. I run a P4 with 2G RAM here at work, and a G4 PowerBook with 2G RAM at home, and some of your pages still--yes, still--manage to crash my computers. Don't ask me how you manage to keep your page working, because clearly, you're pouring puppy blood over web pages to make that page work.
Oh, and another thing, animated backgrounds aren't cool; they are nauseating.
While I'm at it: I do love it when you guys leave me comments. It's awesome feeling welcome and stuff. But glitter text comments? Not so much. Mass comments that say "Happy New Year!"? How bout no, ya freaky dutch bastard. I got the mass text message you sent to my cellphone and the funny email forward about how I need to forward the lyrics to Auld Lang Sang to 300 of my best friends or my dick will turn black and fall off and I'll have bad luck for the next 73 years. Stop with the mass comments; lay off the glitter text. Plain text says as much as an animated gold "HOW YOU DOIN?!?!?!OMGWTFLOLLERDISCO!?!?!!" would. Trust me. I get the message either way.
I would really love to comment on the new picture you just put up on your MySpace, seriously, I would. But how can you expect me to get there when my poor computer will barely hold it together before exploding the minute your page starts to render?
So, please, have some consideration for your fellow netizens and take down about half the shit on your myspace. It's not that funny, it's not that cool but it's really pissing me off.
With warm regards,
Ren