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Best email subject line, ever.

24 January, 2007 by Ren at 01:00 PM

I've been on the internet for a long, long time. Since the early-to-mid nineties to be exact, so it's easy for me to declare that I've pretty much seen it all here. That is until today.

Today I got the best subject line ever. EVAR. It's that good.

How would you like to be hung like a Rhino?

Seriously. That's the subject line. I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried.

Obviously the email was for pills enlarging not just the length, but the girth of my penis. Enough to make me, as the email bluntly states in the vernacular, "hung like a rhino."

How do I respond? I mean, at first glance, yes, I would like to be hung like a rhino. But when I gave it more thought, not so much.

Think about it: being hung like a rhino isn't practical. Where will you put all that meat when you put on your pants? What happens when you have to poop; like, does your large African land mammal weener dip into the toilet bowl water? (If so, that's definitely a no-go for me). What do you do with your dong when the inevitable accidental boner happens? You just can't push it down your pant leg without people seeing the tremendous bulge it causes; the fact that you have a rhino-sized dong would probably mean it drags out past the cuff of your slacks anyway. And just think, who's really going to want to get dicked by a penis of rhinocerous proportions? It's fun to look at and marvel about, sure, but when it comes right down to it, do you really think anyone is going to let you put it anywhere near their no-no parts?

And consider this: say you and someone special happen to be in your office and decide on some afternoon delight. You can't just walk into a closet in the office and whip out your stick, now can you? It's a chore to lug that thing out of its constraints and put it up to the face of your beloved to, erm, enjoy. I mean, it just takes the fun right out of it. Not to mention the fact that a rhino rod would be nearly impossible to fit down one's gullet. Again, this goes back to the "who's going to let you put it near their no-no parts?" argument.

Sure, it'll be fun at first; whip it out at parties as a conversation piece (pun intended), use it as a third leg for a tripod when you're tired and feel like taking a standing nap, but that'll get old. And once it does, you're still stuck with a giant wang that everyone stares at, but no one wants to play with. There's no joy in that.

So, I wrote the spammer back.

Dear *********,

Thank you for your intriguing offer. Although I briefly considered sending off for more information regarding your miracle pills, I ultimately decided against them. Being hung like a rhino, as you so eloquently put it, definitely has pros and cons. However, I decided that having a rhino cock would be fun for a short time, but in the end, who wants a giant dick no one wants to play with?

Not me, that's who.

So, I'm happy with my average penis, but again, thank you for the offer.

With warm regards,

ren

I've not yet heard a response.

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