Honestly and truly, Coca-Cola hates me. I dunno why, I'm very good to them, I drink their engine cleaner (that's a whole 'nother story) almost every day. But this past week the machines here on campus have been screwing me hard, and fo' real, they didn't even buy me dinner first. I have an insane love for Red Flash soda, cuz when drinking a Coke isn't bad enough for you, throw in some red shit, ya feel me? Anyway, I went to the machine to get a Red Flash to drink with my lunch before my lab started. I may have had, like, a 2-second seizure and hit the wrong button, but I know I pushed the button for Red Flash. What does the machine give me? Diet Coke. Come on, Coke, do I look like a dieter? With a splash of lemon, even. Well, being the po' ass college student I am, I drink the bitch. Mistake number two. Have you ever had a Diet Coke with Lemon? Oh my god, it's like drinking Lemon Joy dishwashing liquid, except worse. I couldn't bring myself to finish it, but I tried, dammit. I didn't even have yummy calories to make it bearable.
So today as I wake up early on a Saturday (I won't even begin to tell the travesty of it all), for my oh-so-kill-me all day lab, I wanted a Red Flash. Like bad. So I go back to the SUB to get one, 'cept I'm smart, and I go to the other machine, the only other one that sells my soda. So I pop my dollar in, all happy to get some red shit and caffeine, and I make sure I push the right button, and what do I get? Fucking Vanilla Coke. Now, I'm all for Vanilla Coke and those who like their tongue coated in a vanilla film, but ever since I get buttfuck drunk on Vanilla vodka and Coke, the soda Vanilla Coke just makes me feel like either being sick or smoking a cig cuz I'm drinking. Sonuvabitch.
So I'm here drinking with a coating on my tongue, smoking a cig, and wondering where the hell everyone is for my lab. I so got here on time. Oh well, I'll be here till 7 pm when they get back, so it's not like I'm not ruining my Saturday.
I hate you Vanilla Coke.
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