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Case in point: I'm minding my own business, taking a shower at getting ready for work at the ungodly hour of seven a.m, and I notice I have a pimple... on my buttcheek. OK, before you get all snotty and indig'nint on me, don't even begin to front that you've never had an ass-zit. You put Clearisil on your bottom everyday? When you do, you can read me up and down. If not, back up and hide your ass in shame.
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Yes, my dears, I just done had my period.
I don't think I was born with common sense, seriously. I've forgotten to get someone to mow my tiny lawn so many times that I'm now the proud owner of a forest of weeds. So much so, that my house started to get a little warm, so I went back to check on my central air unit. All I can see is the forest with a tiny patch that is waving where my poor unit is getting choked. So at midnight, I'm out there grabbing at weeds and pulling and stomping and clearing out a breathable swath that my AC can function somewhat properly. Yeah, and my hose is becoming frozen. Do I pour some water on that shit? Break out the cups and make a mixed drink?
Living alone has definitely got its kinks, with my fridge full of food I've bought that I'll never eat, bottles of milk and egg cartons never opened and past the expiration date, leftovers that will never see the light of day again, the water heater that scares me in the middle of the night rumbling when there's no hot water being used, and the dread that comes with the rays of sunshine that beckon me to a job that has now lost any love I may have had for it. (How's that for a run-on, bitch?) Rough patches come and go, but goddamn are they annoying.
Next time I trip out of my bathtub and come this close to stabbing my eyeball out of my skull, I'll be sure to thank the creator for the blessed day.
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